Raven Business Trip (Raven's Newest Story)

Everyone has a past filled with memories, good and bad, or both. Situations and people in the past somehow come up when you least expect, whether it be a few months, a few years, or over a decade later. If you wait long enough it seems the past has a way of finding, you when you least expect it. Mine has just resurfaced. You can either ignore or embrace it, and I’ve decided to revisit it once more.

I was getting ready to go to a 3-day companywide conference in New York. It was to be another long and most likely uneventful 3 days I already wished I could get back. I decided it was a good enough excuse to buy a few outfits and take time out of my day to get my nails done. I’ve always loved getting my nails done and just the relaxing time to pamper myself during a busy week. As I sat in the chair and asked for my regular gel nails, she asked me what color I wanted today. Try as I might, I can't stay away from dark purple and reds these days. I told her OPI’s Lincoln Park After Dark. She laughed because I only rotate through a few colors these days. As I sat down and looked around at the matted photos of hands around the salon, I had fleeting thoughts of the days when I wore acrylic nails and kept them long to add to their beauty and size. I glanced at the pictures and smiled thinking of the ones I took so long ago and had always hoped in the back of my mind that maybe I would see one on the wall at one of the many nail places you can find in every mall or private salon. The woman doing my nails told me what she always did, that I should keep them shorter since my nail beds are so long. I left and glanced at my hands in the bright sunlight, satisfied, and ready for my few days away.

 I arrived in New York and checked into my hotel to get ready for the meet and greet being held in the bar downstairs. I slipped on a new skirt, sandals, and my favorite dark purple shirt. When I got downstairs there were already several people standing around with drinks. The one thing I had been looking forward to was meeting John, the man I dealt with on a regular basis from San Diego. Until now I’d only spoken with him on the phone. We’d developed an easy way of casual flirting, and by the sound of his voice I was hoping he looked just as delicious as his deep voice. I decided I needed a glass of wine to relax before I started introducing myself around. I saw him right away or maybe I just saw the way this one man couldn’t stop looking in my direction. I strolled over and put out my beautifully manicured fingers to shake his hand and say hello. He introduced himself as John and we proceeded to flirt over the drink I finished much too quickly. We decided to mingle around the room with different groups and to meet up later. 

As people filtered out, back to their rooms for tomorrow’s early start, we found a spot in the corner in a booth where we could talk with more privacy. I ordered another drink and began to make circles around the rim with my delicate fingers, a habit I have always had, and put on my best sultry voice to set the mood. Right away I noticed he kept glancing at my hands on the glass or as I slipped my hand through my hair. As the wine made me warm, I became more animated with my hand gestures, another habit that I have found very effective when flirting. He told me he loved my long nails and the dark color I wore. I showed him that they weren’t really that long by turning my hand over to show it was just my long nail beds that made them appear long. I thought it strangely familiar that he would notice the color or the length, and wondered if he was a hand guy. He reached over at one point and took my hands in his and asked if I ever just sat still. He looked into my eyes in a way that made me feel almost uncomfortable and said I feel like I know you. I laughed and said of course you do by now; we’ve spent so much time talking and flirting over the phone instead of working! Without changing his serious expression, again he said I am sure I know you. I tilted my head to the side coyly and said it wasn’t possible. He brought my hand to his lips, flipped over my hand and said I definitely know you Raven, I would know you anywhere. I couldn’t think of anything to say or how to hide the shock on my face. Instead, I asked him how he would ever know about my hidden life as Raven, that I lived so many years ago. He proceeded to tell me that there were still pictures, comments, and even stories I had written on the Internet. Even though he was saying these things I couldn’t believe him and told him I needed to go to my room for the night. I really just wanted to get to my laptop and search around myself. He asked me to meet him again tomorrow night and I agreed, if only to leave that surreal situation. 

I went to my room and did a quick search and did find a few pictures, but I couldn’t find any comments or new updates. I just found a few remnants from the time I had Raven’s Lair, the name I had given my little piece of the Internet designed just for hand lovers. I texted John and insisted he send me more links for me to investigate. He did, and I spent the next few hours looking and reading with disbelief the information that was still going around more than a decade later. 

The next day when I saw John across the room at the conference, I couldn’t help but smile that we shared this secret. I knowingly made sure to sweep my hands across my face or through my hair to drive him to a slow steady build up until later. As the day went on my stomach flipped with excitement and anticipation. When we met later, we decided that we would go to my hotel room so that we could talk more intimately, and he could ask more questions. I told him that I haven’t thought about any of this in so many years, but it may be nice to go down memory lane once more. In the room we had a few drinks, and he couldn’t keep his eyes off of my hands. He wanted to press his up against mine and even at 6 '1 our hands were about the same size, except of course for the width of his fingers and palm. At one point he asked if he could slip off my ring and put it on the nightstand, and I said yes. He told me that he wanted to have one night to feel my hands on his body and kiss them all night long. Between the compliments and wine, I could not resist. So he took off my ring and I took off my mask and was Raven once again for one more night. I couldn’t resist the feeling of being adored for something that had been my best attribute to so many for so long. The details of the night are not really important, although some may disagree. I used my mind to tell the stories I knew he would want to hear, and my hands to back up every dream he ever wanted.

On the plane ride home, I let my mind drift to why hands had always played a big part of my life. I had always loved hands even if it started in an unusual way. When I was a teenager, I was always enticed by the many shades of Wet and Wild nail polish. I wanted every single color even though I didn’t have long nails. I would go into the store and buy one bottle and slip 2 more into my coat pocket. It gave me that rush one gets from being naughty and a bit devious. So, it began as simple as that. As I went through high school, I realized I wasn’t the girl that all the boys would talk about as their fantasy girl. As any woman knows, we long to stand out and be found beautiful in our own way. Some girls have beautiful eyes, a smile, or an incredible body. I had my hands and I decided early on that even if the boys didn’t think about me, I had to do something to make sure they did. I began to point out to them how big my hands were and demanded that they put theirs up against mine to prove my point. I almost always did, and it gave me a bit of satisfaction knowing that I had some sort of power.

 I ended up with the man who found my hands to be the biggest and prettiest possible, and I loved the feeling of that. Over the years with him we focused more and more on them, and I would beg to hear of other hands that turned him on. The thought would burn deep in my stomach and my competitive nature would scream that I needed to be the best. I would tell stories to keep him intrigued and realized in time that by getting acrylic nails my hands seemed all the bigger and that my fingers looked even longer and more delicate. Our life with hands went on like this for years. In the midst of all of it I had forgotten that it was my interest in hands that started this all. By the time we decided to put one picture up on the Internet it felt sneaky and a bit dirty to do something public, not knowing that so many people also shared a love of hands, especially big and beautiful hands. 

It was exciting for me to get the feedback and the flattering comments. The website exploded and the more I was told that my hands were not only big but beautiful I felt the rush to produce more pictures, to answer more questions, and eventually put out a few stories. I wasn’t able to keep up with the rate of requests or answer questions quickly enough and it ultimately felt like all the power was again out of my control. I needed to leave Raven’s Lair behind. As I reflected on that time in my life, I realized that some things are such a part of us no matter how much time goes by, they never leave us completely. The plane landed and I left my memory of the trip in the air, but the memory of Raven will always be with me.  - Raven (July 2013)